mustinvestigate

In the game intro, your character is shot and left for dead in a shallow grave (the Ben-man appears at 3:45):

This drives the first half of the game’s plot: find checkered coat guy, and get 1) macguffin and 2) revenge.

First, you come across the two flunkies, and have the option of either slaughtering them where they stand, or take pity – they’re the biggest losers of a pathetic tribe, who didn’t even get their pay for helping to ambush you. You can broker a deal to have the local militia first spare their lives and then nursemaid them back to the crappy canyon they call home, either on the theory that you both have a grudge against the man in the checkered suit, or because killing them would be like stomping on baby squirrels.

(Also, at this point, you should be feeling no little shame that these are the guys who got the drop on you.)

So, your trail takes you on to the New Vegas Strip to confront Benny Gecko, the bastard offspring of Frank Sinatra and Chandler Bing, and here’s where it gets fandom-ish.

You know how, in canon, two characters who have good reason to loathe each other have conflict, and usually revenge is carried out, and a section of the fandom replies, “That’s great, but could it have more hate-sex?” FNV gives us the greatest use of the Black Widow perk ever:

Sure, you could just demand to talk to him in private, shoot him in the head, take back the macguffin and his pretty, pretty 9mm, and bada bing, you got a nice, sane RPG plot beat. Or, you can go the seduction route to get him alone and return that bullet to sender. Or…you can actually have (hilarious, G-rated) sex with him, then kill him when he’s asleep. Or…just snuggle up and go to sleep yourself, all tuckered out. Awww.

Which is the option I chose, giggling like a maniac that the game was giving me these options at all.

Don’t get me wrong; Benny is not a nice guy. He says he hasn’t been able to sleep since he thought he killed you in cold blood, but if you agree to work with or forgive him, he just sends four thugs in to finish the job anyway. At best, he’s a survivor, and all this is a so-sharp-you’ll-cut-yourself plot to keep from getting whacked by House.

What he is, is fun. A decade before, he and his tribal brethren were still wearing gecko skins and digging the well next to the latrine, but give him a suit and three hundred viewings of Ocean’s Eleven and he’s found his natural niche. He imposes his swingin’ vision over boring old reality within a fifty-meter radius, and all are helpless to resist.

Maybe it doesn’t help that I had a very retro adolescence, spending my formative years with my parents’ and grandparents’ 1930s – 70s record collections. Ah, Dean-o…

Anyway. Murdering bastard or not, he totally buys the seduction attempt. Especially since what really hooks him is: “I’m a courier, remember? Don’t you want me to handle your package?” You can just see the eyes light up there (“She’s clearly insane, a possible nymphomaniac, AND she makes bad puns? Whimper…”), and the very very strong likelihood you’re planning to murder him goes out of his mind forever. Let him live, and he leaves the best morning-after note…I’ve got to quote this thing:

Pussycat -

Thanks for showing this cat the best hey-hey he's ever-ever! Talk about platinum in the sack, toots! Where'd you learn that 18 karat trick with the heels of your feet? You didn't make my toes curl - they popped off and rolled under the bed!

I wish I could stay for another round, but this gent's got places to be, things to do. You showing up has forced my hand, baby! The time is to act now!

I won't be around for awhile, but if everything works out right, you and me are a date, got it? Wouldn't miss it for all the caps in Vegas.

Now don't get clingy and try to follow me.

Ciao,

Benny

So many exclamation points!

He’s scarpered, of course, and gotten himself captured by Caesar. And since he’s still got the platinum chip, you go after him. Tied up in Caesar’s tent, what does he do? Flirt with you.

You can tell him his performance in the sack didn’t leave much of an impression…

…or flirt back.

Keep in mind, Caesar and his personal guards are right behind you for this. Probably clearing their throats a lot.

Caesar’s sitting on a macguffin-magnet, which Benny tried to sneak into in possibly the worst Legionnaire disguise ever. He knows he’s a dead man, and wants you to take over his plan to rule Vegas, even though you’re the one tasked with killing him.

You have the option to let him sneak out (turning the entire camp on your weaponless self), or untie him and he’ll fight by your side…for about 10 seconds of vicious hair-pulling a 3-year-old girl would be proud of. Benny’s…not so much a fighter. Sanest thing to do here is kill the poor bastard cleanly, or take it into the ring so you can impress the skirt-wearing evildoers with your womanly war-making skills.

Or…you can run back home, get your angriest companions and your best weapons, and storm Caesar’s camp. Kill every last soldier. Benny calls you a scrapper and says his fate is your choice:

Say you want to keep him ~~for a sexy pet~~ as a lieutenant, and untie him, and…

Wait…you just want to get out of this stinking tent, right?

You bastarding fink!

…call me?

Yeah, the game runs out of Benny one way or another here. If you catch him, the only dialogue option it gives turns him hostile. Which is a shame, since he’s a fun character I’d like to keep around in the Lucky 38. Probably shackled hand and foot, as he’d inevitably try to kill me again. But I could live with that…